I know some of you believe I'm at least a half-bubble off'n plumb, my dominoes are missing a few spots, my elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor, or that I ain't got the "doo-wah-diddy" to go with my "diddy-dum-diddy-doo"! And I admit that, quite often, you'd be correct.
But I'm not a total loss, you know. So what if I don't know who the heck Isaac Newton was or what he did. At least I know his cousin Fig Newton makes those scrumptious cookies! I do not...., hey, wait a second! Ain't ol' Isaac the one who was hit on his head by an apple..., or did he fall out of an apple tree, land on his head, and then claimed to have discovered gravity? Well, shuckin's! I ain't no rocket surgeon or brain scientist, but I've fallen out of an apple tree..., uh..., well, out of a sweet gum tree. Several times, I might add!
I've discovered that it makes little difference if one lands on his head, back, behind, or feet. It's bad enough bouncin' off'n limbs and such, but that sudden stop at the end of your fall will really wreck your day!
Regardless, and even being as "educated" as I am, I find some folks who give me a hard run for my money. Here's a few items sent to me via e-mail and, supposedly, taken from "The Wall Street Journal", that prove my point.
1. A computer company is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. Technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. A computer technician advised his customer to put his troubled disc back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on and was heard
putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door.
4. Another customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
5. Yet another computer customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
6. A confused caller was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer" The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
7. An exasperated caller to Tech Support couldn't get her new computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
8. A woman called the help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was running it under "Windows." The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."
9. Tech Support: "O.K. Bob, let's press control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now push "P" to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: "I don't have a "P". Tech: "On your keyboard, Bob." Customer: "What do you mean?" Tech: ""P" on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!!!"
Well, folks, like I said. I ain't not brain scientist or rocket surgeon, but I wouldn't do it either!!
Galen White lives in Homer.