Minden Press-Herald

Thursday
Oct 02nd

Updating old adages to today’’s lingo

Juanita Agan-1All of us grew up with old sayings and old adages. My son found an update on some of these old sayings. Some are my updatings from my years of experiences.

Updating them to what would they mean today. Let me share some of them with you.
1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. I wished the buck stopped here, cuz I could use a few.
4. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that were not smart enough to get out of jury duty.
5. You can't have everything. If you did, where would you put it?
6. The good things that come to those that wait are left there by those who got there first and kept the better stuff.
7. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
8. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
9. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
10. Those who live by the sword get shot by those with guns.
11. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
12 Been there, done that. Can't remember most of it.
13. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
14. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
15. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
16. Two heads are better than one in making decisions, except if they are both on the same neck.
17. The early bird catches the worm, but worms are not on a low cholesterol diet.
18. Two can live as cheaply as one, (if one doesn't eat!)
19. A penny saved is a penny earned: but what can you buy with a penny today?
20. Absence makes the heart grow fonder (if it were fond when you went away.)
21. A watched pot never boils, but if you don't watch it, it will boil over.
22. If you nose itches somebody is coming to see you (just scratch it!)
23. If rain starts before seven, it'll quit before eleven (unless it is a rainy day.)
24. Feed a cold and starve a fever and you'll get dehydrated.
25. Too many cooks will spoil the broth, but who cares about broth anyway?
26. Money can't buy happiness but not having it doesn't ensure happiness
27. It would be nice to have an hourglass figure if the sand didn't settle.
28. You can't teach an old dog new tricks, but you can rearrange the ones he already knows.
29. Birds of a feather, flock together. They do, don't they?
30. Convince a fool against his will, he will keep the same opinion still. So many fools, and so many opinions.
31 You'll get more flies with honey than you will with vinegar (but you'll get the bees, too.)
32. All that glitters is not gold, it may be tinfoil.
33. A squeaking wheel gets the most grease, but it may not need grease.
34. A three-colored cat is most always a female. If not three colored you just have to wait to see if it has kittens to be able to tell if it is female.
35 Nothing is happier than an old maid when she quits trying (might as well, since nobody is interested.)
36. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. (Would you be able to buy that in the Pharmacy at Wal-Mart?)
37. Blood is thicker than water - that's why I have to take such large doses of Coumadin.
38. Barking dogs don't bite (but they can scare you to death.)
39. A stitch in time saves nine - must be some tear to grow so fast.
40. A barking dog and a crowing hen always come to some bad end - such as chicken and dumplings.

Juanita Agan submitted a weekly column to the Press-Herald for more than 15 years before her death in 2008. She was a resident of Minden since 1935. The Press-Herald is republishing selected articles from Mrs. Agan's Cameos column every Wednesday.­­

 

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