Much has been said on the topic of democracy lately, since both Democrats and Republicans believe they are the only ones who can save it. Predictably, neither one of our steeply declining political parties understands how democracy is supposed to work. The people are supposed to be much more involved in government than just voting. They need to be doing much of what autocratic politicians see as their job alone.
Democracy is a sense of belonging to a localized society/community where folks take responsibility for acting in the best interests of that community. Belonging and responsibility are both missing in action in America today. It has reached a point where the usual constitutional “herd immunity” has been lost. That is where the great majority participate and make up for those who don’t. The irresponsible outliers and outlaws are in the majority today.
The parental household has long been the place where democracy starts and ends. Unfortunately, the happily appointed two-parent family unit in America has become a relic of the past. Children are lucky to have one effective parent inside the walls of their home today. When democracy is not strong in the home, it can’t be strong in the national capital.
Before there was community, there was man and woman and a child in a cave dwelling. To survive, that family unit had to make a very strong commitment to each other. Related families banded together into clans, and clans into a tribe. A tribe could exist and survive on its own or could band together with other tribes to form a nation. That’s what our 13 colonies did.
Democracies are famous for instituting laws at all levels of government which make it difficult to break apart the family, clan, tribe, and nation. This all starts with marriage and divorce laws. Marriage laws historically called for life-long marriage, and divorce was heavily discouraged, particularly with children involved.
Today, America is committed not to family but to self and self-interest as the only goal of life and government. We govern ourselves, and nobody else. An example of this orientation can be seen in a recent article titled, “7 life experiences that will accelerate your growth and maturity as a person.” (personalbrandingblog.com, 12-14-24) Growth and maturity for individuals is very important. But growth and maturity of family relationships and community relationships is just as important.
There is no mention in the article of social commitment, only “personal branding,” i.e. discovering who you are and building up your individual brand. The seven life experiences are all good ones: facing failure head-on; traveling solo; saying goodbye; taking responsibility; learning a new language; volunteering your time; and embracing change.
All of these things are quicker and easier to achieve in a setting of marriage and family. Family provides an extremely effective and lasting path to belonging and to taking responsibility for others, that is, to democracy. There is no more difficult kind of failure than regular but not insurmountable failures in dealing with spouse and children; one must travel solo often in order to support the family group; there are endless goodbyes, and thankfully, many hellos, in the family system; one must take responsibility to the nth degree, especially for wild-child offspring testing their boundaries in the new world they are thrust into; people must learn the new language of gender communication and must teach an entirely new language to children; marriage and family involves endless unpaid volunteer work; and change starts with diapers continues on until the end of time.
The family unit is not only the most important government entity in a democracy, but one that democracy cannot survive without. That is why in democratic societies families are virtually always empowered and required by law to govern their children independently of the state, the community, and other families in the neighborhood. The family is a little nation, and when it is governed correctly, the city, state, and nation can and will operate happily and successfully. In the family, children learn both how to respect law (starting with the law of their parents) and how to govern others once they reach the age of legal maturity.
Robert Kimball Shinkoskey is the author of books on democracy, religion, and the American presidency.