Featured photo: Graveyard grasshoppers, such as this one, almost sent columnist to the graveyard. (Courtesy photo)
The book calls them “lubber” grasshoppers. Around here, we know them by another name, “graveyard” grasshoppers.
These oversized grasshoppers are not our friends as, according to the book, “they are voracious plant eaters that can quickly strip and destroy gardens, vegetable crops and ornamental landscaping.”
You’ll know one when you see it; they’re oversized, much larger than a regular grasshopper and are brightly colored in yellow, orange and red. Because of their size, they don’t hop like regular ones; they try but they can’t get their big bodies off the ground to hop.
If I see one, I send it on to glory with a quick stomp; they are not good for my wife’s plants.
According to the book, you can touch one of these creatures without being bitten but handling them triggers a loud hiss and a foul-smelling, irritating spray.
We have so many because birds stay away from them as they’re poisonous if eaten by birds and small mammals. Their bright colors warn animals not to eat them, and they spray a foul-smelling, irritating foam when threatened.
A couple of weeks ago, I had just such an encounter with one I found in the front yard. I gave it a good stomp believing that would be the end of the dastardly thing but it got the last laugh even after its demise. This particular graveyardgrasshopper came close to sending me to the graveyard. Here’s what happened.
I have a disability to limits me being able to walk without either a walker or cane but still able to drive. One afternoon I was about to head for the post office and elected to leave my cane in the garage and walk to the car, a distance of only about 8 or 10 steps.
The first few steps were no problem until I looked down and the grasshopper I had recently stomped was lying dead right in the path of where I was walking. I thought it best to get it out of the way, so I made a decision that would cost me dearly in the days and weeks ahead. I decided to move it out of the way by giving it a kick to the side.
Bad decision; when I kicked it, my foot caught on something causing me to lose my balance. Down I went, face-first on the concrete driveway. I was unable to gain my footing alone so my wife who heard me fall, called out neighbor to come help me up.
Next was a trip by ambulance to the ER at the hospital where they did a splendid job of putting me back together. The fall created a cut above my eye and an injury to my hand I assume I tried use to break the fall. Sutures were required for the cut above my eye as well as the hand.
Wait, there’s more. X-rays were taken of my eye which revealed that the Orbital bone encircling my eye was fractured in several places, requiring a visit to a specialist in Shreveport later this week. A cat scan showed no skull or brain damage, so I was fortunate in that regard.
I was left with a hum-dinger of a shiner in my eye and bruises and abrasions on my face, and it was all caused by a graveyard grasshopper, getting its revenge, even in death.
If I find another graveyard grasshopper in the yard, I’ll call my wife to come stomp it. My days of kicking grasshoppers, even dead ones, have ended. I just can’t afford to take the chance to have another almost send me to the graveyard.